Movie halls are our one safe haven — we’ve paid to sit back and be entertained. But our fellow Indians make us feel less than patriotic when they ruin the sanctity of the air-conditioned sofa entertainment experience that is the highlight of the week for many.
1. Bring their Kids
Not every movie is meant for children. Stuart Little 2 is — it’s about kids. Mahesh Bhatt’s garbage isn’t — it’s often about the activities related to making kids.
2. Let their Kids Loose
It is not my fault that you live in a neighborhood without parks or play areas. The rules of the movie hall apply to your kids too –shut up, sit down, or away.
3. Make Out
There is a reason people went to the movies of Dev Anand (and other shitty film makers)– it was for the empty movie halls.
Yes, we know you reserved the corner seat, but don’t ruin X-Men for me with your fumbling.
4. Go Beyond Making Out
Fine! I’ve made my peace with your tongue-cricket, But keep the noise down, the pants on and the fumbling restricted to your own seat.
There is a difference between paying Rs.50 and Rs.250 for a movie ticket — I’m paying for air conditioning, decent seating, a good screen, and an audience that doesn’t clap, whistle, or shout. We are at PVR cinemas, not a bedsheet-and-projector gig at a desi farm.
6. Wikipedia the Plot
Turn off the tablets and cell phones. If you’re curious about a movie, watch it on the gigantic screen you’re paying for, not a tiny 5-inch rectangle in your pocket.
7. “Abhi Main Movie Mein Hoon”
That could be a default Whatsapp status message. You don’t have to take the call to tell someone that.
8. The Letchers
Their heads are at a 90 degree angle to the screen, often honed in into a girl’s face. It’s like they’re trying to watch the movie reflected in her eyes.
9. …and the Stretchers
There’s nothing more romantic than the old-yawn-and-arm-around-her trick. But it’s annoying when it’s stretching for the sake of stretching, so far that your hands make a shadow on the movie screen.
10. In Middle of the Movie Walking
You cannot get up in the middle of an action sequence, or an important line. It is not forgiven. Get an aisle seat if you insist on bringing a child who needs to pee often.
And then we wonder why people aren’t visiting movie halls and opting to chill at home!